Penang

Penang is an island off the west coast of Malaysia, requiring one to cross over a bridge not dissimilar to the Florida keys. Penangs residents are a compilation of a higher percentage of Chinese identifying citizens in comparison to the mainland. The area boasts a large Silicon Valley contingency of businesses and clearly a lot of incoming wealth. It is also home to Nyonya culture food traditions, which is the compilation of early Chinese immigrants with native Malay, a symbiosis in Asian cuisine that will have you drooling from the time you arrive.

We were advised to not miss the Blue Mansion, or Cheung Fatt Tze, as a location to stay as it is a historic establishment steeped in tradition and has an interesting history. Www.cheongfatttzemansion.com The Blue Mansion also served as an opium den prior to its current use as a high end hotel.

Our arrival was uneventful and we had the evening to ourselves. Apparently you just can't go wrong here with food. There were so many types of cuisine and regions to explore that it was immediately difficult to choose neighborhood. Luckily, we had an insider named Darshan who had worked with one of my favorite residency colleagues. He picked us up and we drove the neighborhoods, learning about the cultural influences and how Penang ticks. We then went to a street hawker alley called Presgrave and had the traditional oyster pancakes, friend noodles, curry, and freshly squeezed lemonade that was intensely fantastic. There are a lot of authentic type places we had gone but this was legit with Darshan pointing around at vendors and it all magically appearing.

A word for the food averse, those oyster pancakes are the the damn bomb...its like having a gigantic crab cake with a variety of savory and spicy sauces to choose from. If not from fear of exploding, I would have continued to eat them forever.

That evening we ended alley at the Mansion Bar, which was featured in the maajong scene of Crazy Rich Asians in case any one can see similarities in below photos. Our bartender was the same for the stay, and he was one of the most lovely and accomodating, plus he had the voice of a sexy telenovela man which certainly doesn't detract. His name was Ali Artek and he deserves a big raise...I sent a note to the hotel saying so :)

Our first full day, Darshan picked us up after breakfast and a walk to explore the areas around the coast of the island. We went to Jetty, Little India, little Armenia, Chinatown, several temples, and a great Indian spot with food served on banana leaves.

Recommended not to miss is the Chulia Street Hawker Alley and the Jetty off of it. Little stores, traditional fishing homes, it feels like you stepped into the happy part of a Kung Fu movie before all the ninjas show up.

Expatting is encouraged in Penang and there are active attempts to attract Americans and Europeans who fit the mould. Because of this, luxury condo towers have popped up along the coast of Penang, all offering the home comforts and the Asian amenities that you will NOT find in the US because it is a very customer oriented place. It is on my short list of where to expat...and I will expat.

Of note, swimming in the ocean around Penang is not often done. We were told there is a 'jellyfish problem' by several people so I assume it is a significant issue. No worries though, there are plenty of pools around.

We arrived back in time for an incredible surprise at the Mansion. A world renowned pianist from New York with Penang family was playing at the hotel. We had reserved a spot with bar service. I will include a short clip below, but this kind of talent is just mind blowing. What a treat on top of the amazing location and endless good food.

We had a walking tour that night to end up a very busy day. Our guide, Mr. Gunda, is a lifelong native, in his late 60s and dedicated to showing off his home. We got to revisit the city at night, including the earlier neighborhoods, eat some amazing curries amongst locals, being clued in to the China House and other local gems, seeing the temples at night. We also had a trishaw ride, which was exceptionally hilarious. My driver had some nice soft tunes playing, very chill. Tims? Had the hamster dance techno songs which could be heard loud and clear for the ride. The video of this is priceless. Ding Ding Ding and Axel F from Beverly Hills Cop...sometimes life is so weird. I thought it was thoroughly hilarious...Tim may not have.

Www.tropicalspicegarden.com.

Needless to say, the next day we were exhausted, but more to do! This time a cooking class at the tropical spice garden, a featured destination on the island for its agricultural and ecological prowess. There are trails and trails featuring the fruits, nuts, toxic trees, etc of Malaysia. Some of the plants we needed directly for our classes. Did you know you could kill people with too much nutmeg? That's right you basic Pumpkin Spice bitches...TOXIC. Ok well it's probably fake nutmeg in those but be careful out there.

We learned in class to make a beautiful and simple pineapple and local veggie/herb salad, spiced rice and a pan seared fish curry as well as banana fritters. The menu was of course, superb. The experience just lovely with nice people, great instructors, and ideas developed from it. That's right, more recipe ideas. That is how I roll.

After gorging on a large amount of our spoils, we returned downtown and took a mini rest. But wait! There is too much to do. We were advised to go to the Eastern and Oriental hotel English Pub for a drink. And this is where I had the best dirty martini in my life and watched sunset from the green outside overlooking the ocean. The whole hotel is just classy old world, straight out of a damned Ernest Hemingway novel type of feel. All old souls and actually OLD souls should go.

We had to do the Michelin rated dinner at our hotel that evening. When someone tea smokes things in front of the table with caviar, beautiful scenery, great staff, you only live once and maybe a bill or two can be late? Pics included, but just do it.

Street food guide: before we move on

1. Nasi Lemak: This is staple all over the country, but the variety of cuisines it comes with are vast here. Coconut rice pretty much goes with anything

2. Roti Canai: Indian Roti with a thick curry gravy and protein of your choice. Amazing

3. Nasi Lemak Goreng: Coconut rice also mixed with spices and herbs, peanuts, anchovy, and sometimes an egg

4. Penang Oyster Omelet: Amazing fluffy fried dough and egg with oysters embedded. Paired with a chili oil sauce it is amazing for us seafood lovers.

5. Char Koay Teow: Kind of like Malaysias take on Pad Thai I think. Thick brown gravy, veggies and noodles as a base pairs great with about everything, and of course, a beer

6. Hokkien Mee: Hokkein style soup with varying levels of spice and rice noodles

7. Curry Laksa: This is always my favorite...the coconut curry broth, options for your soup, served from dusk until dawn

8. Satay: also cannot possibly go wrong with meat on a Stick

Our last full day started with a day guide to go to Penang Hill ands the temples. Chinese new year is BIG here. Take the funicular up the hill, go to the temples, buy a lantern, buy a bunch of rando things, walk up a 7 story pagoda featuring Buddhist art, marvel at thae view. What I would NOT do is go to the tea house at the top. It is very pretty, and if you have 3 hours to spare, you might get your lunch order, but you also might have to ask what the problem is 10+ times. Our guide had other groups and we felt very guilty for holding him up due to incompetence.

For the temple visits, I am just going to post pics. It is so impressive, I have difficulty with descriptions here. New Year made it all the more inspiring.

The Red garden street hawker alley is right next to the Blue Mansion, and you know this because there are Chinese women on stage singing until midnight every night. But to be honest, you cannot go wrong here. We had soup dumplings at one place, Panang curry at another, topped with oyster pancake and local beer. All the while watching the pageant of young women in stripper platform heels prance on stage singing Chinese love songs. If for nothing else, the spectical of it all is an experience.

In short, Penang is for food, for cultural diversity, for play time, for expats, and also for shopping including handmade purses, jewelry, chocolate Dubai, and a large number of treats. Do not miss the craziness of China House, the longest bar in Asia with 18 rooms spanning a thin but long several city blocks. It is incredible. Every room is different and has a theme...and we know how much I LOOVE a theme.

In general, though, just go to Penang. And then drive 45 minutes minutes north to Thailand or hop a flight to any intra-Asian amazing destination.